Edwina Holiday is 16 years old and has recently started her own punk band, Anal Stomp. She's been keeping a diary for when she has to write her autobiography which she plans to call ‘Being Edwina is No Holiday’ once Anal Stomp hit it big. Here is her first entry:
Sasha was all like “My mum won’t let me be in a band called Anal Stomp” and I was like “Fuck your mum!” but then she was like “I can be in the band if we change the name to something less anal stompy” and I was like “What?” then that crazy bitch said “My mum suggested Flower Power, I like it too”. Then I lost my shit and bitch slapped her cherry tango out of her hand and was all in her face yelling “Bitch! Fucking Flower Power? What's punk about a powered flower?”
Then that bitch had got all in my face and was like “If we don’t change the band name to Flower Power than I’m out!” so I laughed and spat on the carpet all hardcore like and said “Fine, you drum like a dickhead anyway” then she stormed off. Then I remembered that we use her dads van to transport our shit around so for a second I thought about asking her back but that wouldn't have been hardcore so I didn’t.
Then my mum walked in and asked why there was gob and tango on her carpet and I was like “That Sasha bitch went all crazy with the tango and spat on the floor” then she told me not to swear in the house so I stormed up stairs and turned my music up.
We were auditioning a new drummer who had a stupid name like Angie or something rubbish and Maria asked if I thought this chick was too pretty to be in a punk band but I didn’t know what to say so I just said “Shit. Get back to playing bass Maria and keep your twat in your tights”.
Angie or whatever her name was couldn’t play The Government are Spazes or Fuck Your Dad Rawdog for shit so I was like “Yo hot stuff! You ain’t hardcore enough for Anal Stomp!” Then she said I was rude which made me look hardcore in front of Maria and Hannah.
No one else showed up for the audition so I phoned Sasha and was all like “No one’s hardcore enough to nail our hits and we need your dads van. Wanna come back and smash the shit out of some drums for Anal Stomp?” but she was all like “Only if we change the name to Flower Power” but then I threatened to blow her dad so we compromised on Anal Flower, which is hardcore.
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