16 year old Edwina Holiday decides her punk band Anal Stomp needs some promotional tees to spread the word about how hardcore they are.
The guy at Snappy Snaps had a total hard on for me but I was all like “I’m half your age pedo-Pete and just print the mother fucking t-shirt before I leave a one star Google review for having pervy employees!” But he wasn’t called Pete, he had a dumb name like John or something and he was like “Snappy Snaps is a family establishment, we can’t print offensive t-shirts”.
The guy at Snappy Snaps had a total hard on for me but I was all like “I’m half your age pedo-Pete and just print the mother fucking t-shirt before I leave a one star Google review for having pervy employees!” But he wasn’t called Pete, he had a dumb name like John or something and he was like “Snappy Snaps is a family establishment, we can’t print offensive t-shirts”.
I lost my shit at this point and was yelling “What’s offensive about printing ‘Anal Stomp’ on a fucking t-shirt?” and then he asked me to leave so I pushed over a display cabinet of key rings and everyone was like “that girl is crazy” which was hardcore, then I added to my hardcoreness by flipping him off as I left.
I told Sasha about how hardcore I was in Snappy Snaps then she said “My brother works there on Saturdays” and I was like “Bitch, get your bro to print off four Anal Stomp t-shirts for a discount” and she was then like “No, I told you we need to get away from having ‘Anal’ in the band name”, so I took her favorite hoody and threatened to pour bleach over it, so she changed her mind cos’ she’s a little bitch.
The next day Sasha told me her bro quoted her fifty quid for four t-shirts and I was like “Fuck that, just get Maria to toss him off” but Maria didn’t want to toss Sasha’s bro for free t-shirts because she’s not hardcore like me so we all had to chip in to get four Anal Stomp tees printed instead.
The three little bitches sold me out the next day at school and I was the only one wearing my Anal Stomp tee. Hannah was all “OMG, why are you wearing that to class?” but that tramp needs to take a chill-pill coz I looked hardcore.
In class Mr. Dickson lost his shit and told me to take it off and I was like “You just want to see my bra so you can have something to think about while ramming your wife” then he went ape and told me to go to the headmaster, which was hardcore.
When I got down there Fat Turd the Third was all like “This is very serious” blah blah blah, so I asked if Maria stroked him off would that chill him the fuck out, but he just got madder and suspended me on the spot, which was totally hardcore.
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