Eric McKing's Diet Blog - Week 14

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Eric McKing has been having a difficult time on the Simple Slim Shake liquid diet plan over the past 14 weeks. Here's his latest blog entry:

I had my running gear on and was warming up in front of the telly by jogging on the spot. The show was Homes Under The Hammer, that one where people buy houses at auctions, but Martin Roberts who presents it looks like he should be hosting a gardening program instead, so I couldn’t take him seriously.

“That Martin should be on a gardening program,” I told the wife, but she just said that houses have gardens so my argument was invalid. Plus she pointed out that he wears suits sometimes and suits are not practical gardening clothes.

Then I felt stupid so I didn’t say anything for the rest of the show and a lesbian couple didn’t take any of Martin Robert’s advice and lost ten grand on an investment.

“Why are you jogging on the spot like an idiot?” My wife said without looking from the TV while Martin Roberts explained the finer details of property law.

I think she fancies Martin Roberts because I caught her on Christmas Day with her hand down her jeans while reading an interview with him in Women’s Weekly.

“I’m warming up for my jog” I finally answered.

“You’re an idiot. You’re meant to do stretches before you go on your run, not just do your run in the living room”.

But I didn’t want to tell her I was scared of going for a run around the park because Roger at the Simple Slim Shakes weekly diet meeting said there was an overly aggressive gang of geese by the pond.

“I don’t want to have to look at your lard arse jiggerling about when I’m trying to watch the telly. Piss off down the park already!” Then she threatened to throw the remote at my head so I left.

I closed the front door and it looked like it was going to rain, plus I didn’t know where to jog now the park was full of rampaging geese. So I just jogged on the spot in front of my house and watched my wife through the window putting her hands down her pants and making faces I’ve never seen her pull before.

I lost 1lsb.