The man who owns my local convenience store Beer, Booze and Food is either a poet or a man falling into insanity. Here are some of his conversation highlights. Part two here.
Purchase: a single onion
“Sometimes you need just one onion, sometimes two. Maybe three. But there is always too many or too few. And it only ever happens with onions. Onions are like that and no one knows why.”
While staring out the window while the 2001 chip and pin card machine transmitted
“I wish I was a cloud. You wouldn’t know you were one but everyone else would. You’d either end up pissing on everyone, or just disappear into nothing.”
Purchase: milk
“A man once left a bottle of milk behind. I left it out for him for a while, but he didn't come back. After a day I had to throw it away. I sometimes think he will come back and ask why I threw his milk away but he never has.”
Purchase: tequila
“Tequila is very bad. I drank too much one time and convinced myself that if I ate a fish eye I’d see everything the fish had seen in its life. It scared me so I didn’t eat it, but then I decided that would be fantastic so I did. Nothing happened though.”
When I asked him why he only stocks two types of bread but seven types of olive jars
“Olives are better than bread. People on diets can eat olives.”
Purchase: lighter
“There is an English man who buys a lighter every week, sometimes two. I thought I should tell him to just buy a pack of them from the pound shop, but he is a grown man, he should know these things.”
Purchase: bunch of bananas and a daime bar
“You want to buy a watermelon? No? No one does. I don’t know what to do with them. I have a whole crate. That’s crazy. What was I thinking. Watermelons in London.”
Restocking the freezer while wearing protective gloves
“I don’t know why I have these gloves but I do so I thought I’d wear them and now I have hot hands.”
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