Conversations With The Owner of Beer, Booze and Food - Part 2

The man from my local store, Beer, Booze and Food, continues to enlighten me with his wisdom. Part one here.

Purchase: four bottles of special offer Angel Goblin Ale 
There is a homeless man who buys this. You don't want to drink this. You are a young man. You should drink vodka. Women drink vodka. You can share a bottle with someone beautiful. Ale is for lonely men on park benches.

Purchase: pineapple juice
I watch on the news about how there are too many fat people in this country. My country has landmines and crazy people with guns. You have fat people. What a problem to have.

Restocking the fruit stall out front
I can put out these single apples, tomatoes and potatoes and no one steals them. If they were in bags I guarantee they would all be taken by noon. People love things in bags. You should remember that.

Purchase: herbal tea
There is a cat that is always by the bins. It creates such a mess. My wife said it is the reincarnation of her uncle. I never liked her uncle so I kicked this cat the next time I saw it. Then that very evening my wife asked why I harmed her uncle. How did she know this? Her uncle told her. Now I don't go out to the bins when her uncle is there. He is an unforgiving man.

Purchase: a newspaper and a Twix
A woman was in here the other day. She was complaining about your queen, saying she doesn't do anything. What do you want her to do? Execute people? Trust me, you do not want this.

Purchase: a bag of ice
It's December and my freezers are stocking ice. People buy this ice. You can make ice at home for free. But this is in bag. You see, bags. Bags are the key to commerce.