16 year old Edwina Holiday has been in a spot of trouble at school for showing the establishment how hardcore she is, again.
Mr. Thornton was teaching us about Nike in Business class so I was like “Whatever, corporate dog, you’re not brain washing me.” But he was all like “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Edwina” then started jabbering on about Cola, so I flipped him off under my desk and Sasha saw it but looked away cos’ she couldn’t handle how hardcore I was.
Then Mr. Thornton told us to do some formulas on Excel, but I ain’t every going to be no sheep working in an office so I loaded up MS Paint and draw a giant erect dick with Anal Stomp tattooed on the shaft, but before I could show Sasha Mr. Thornton came over and yelled at me. He was all like “Edwina! What are you doing? Go to the headmasters office at once!” and I was all like “Whatever crack head” cos’ he’s always got these bloodshot eyes that make him look like a crack head, then he totally lost his shit and his face went bright red so I told him he looked like an angry penis and he threw me out, which was hardcore.
So I had to go see Fat Turd The Third and I knew he was going to suspend me again but I didn’t care cos’ he was just another corporate dog, so I went to the bathroom and tried to copy the drawing of the Anal Stomp dick on my forehead but I forgot mirrors went backwards so I fucked it up a little, but that’s more hardcore as it’s like indirect advertising or whatever Mr. Thornton calls it.
I got to The Turd’s office and that receptionist that looks like she only listens to Magic FM couldn’t handle my head-dick and told me to wipe it off before I saw the headmaster, but I told her to blow me and walked right in, like I was in a movie or something, which was hardcore.
But when I walked in The Turd’s office he took one look at me then just shook his head and called my mum. Then we sat in silence waiting for her to arrive, but she was taking ages and Mr. Hudsmith wouldn’t even look at me when I asked him for a tissue to wipe the dick off. But it wouldn’t come off, so I just brushed my hair over it and waited until my mum finished her shift at Carpet Right, which was hardcore.
