Eric McKing has been on a liquid diet plan for the past 16 weeks. Today he got to vote for a new Simple Slim Shake head councillor at his local centre.
I was sad to see our old councillor go and it was a shame what happened to Jimmy. None of us can say we haven’t tucked into a double kebab and chips from Kebabish at 2am after a Friday night out down the local. Jimmy just had the misfortune of someone snapping him on their camera phone and selling it to the Herald.
I think it was Margret that sold the picture. She’s had a chip on her shoulder over Simple Slim Shake because she’s gained 5 pound since she started two years ago. I thought the ‘chip on her shoulder’ was a good joke and I was going to tell it to Malcolm, but then I remembered Malcolm watches Mrs. Brown’s Boys so I couldn’t trust his sense of humor. Plus when we got drunk and I think he told me he fingered Margret in his Clio the night we had the pub quiz, but I had seven pints of John Smiths that night so I can’t remember.
I was going to ask the wife who she thought I should vote for, but she just muttered something about voting to kill myself with a shotgun as she finished the bottle of gin the postman gave that morning for her birthday.
In the end I voted for Keith because I think Keith likes me. He came round to my house and handed me a flyer that outlined why I should for vote him and he laughed at something I said even though it wasn’t a joke, but it still made me feel good so I laughed at one of his jokes so we bonded. Then he went away and the wife got curry sauce on the flyer so I had to throw it away before I could read it.
Margret is the only one running against Keith and I don’t like her much. She once told me that Pringles aren’t technically crisps so I ate them on my solid food day and when I told the group about it, Margret said she said no such thing and that they are of course crisps. Then Jimmy looked at me with this face, then everyone else looked at me with the same face, and I felt bad. But then Jimmy said it was alright, we all make mistakes, and he patted me on the back then later he treated us both to chips from Kebabish because I promised not to tell anyone.
I gained 3 pounds.
