Edwina Holiday The Hardcore Punk - Dairy Entry 3

Dairy Entry: One | Two | Three | Four

16 year old Edwina Holiday decides her punk band Anal Stomp needs some promotional tees to spread the word about how hardcore they are.

The guy at Snappy Snaps had a total hard on for me but I was all like “I’m half your age pedo-Pete and just print the mother fucking t-shirt before I leave a one star Google review for having pervy employees!” But he wasn’t called Pete, he had a dumb name like John or something and he was like “Snappy Snaps is a family establishment, we can’t print offensive t-shirts”.

I lost my shit at this point and was yelling “What’s offensive about printing ‘Anal Stomp’ on a fucking t-shirt?” and then he asked me to leave so I pushed over a display cabinet of key rings and  everyone was like “that girl is crazy” which was hardcore, then I added to my hardcoreness by flipping him off as I left.

I told Sasha about how hardcore I was in Snappy Snaps then she said “My brother works there on Saturdays” and I was like “Bitch, get your bro to print off four Anal Stomp t-shirts for a discount” and she was then like “No, I told you we need to get away from having ‘Anal’ in the band name”, so I took her favorite hoody and threatened to pour bleach over it, so she changed her mind cos’ she’s a little bitch.

The next day Sasha told me her bro quoted her fifty quid for four t-shirts and I was like “Fuck that, just get Maria to toss him off” but Maria didn’t want to toss Sasha’s bro for free t-shirts because she’s not hardcore like me so we all had to chip in to get four Anal Stomp tees printed instead.

The three little bitches sold me out the next day at school and I was the only one wearing my Anal Stomp tee. Hannah was all “OMG, why are you wearing that to class?” but that tramp needs to take a chill-pill coz I looked hardcore.

In class Mr. Dickson lost his shit and told me to take it off and I was like “You just want to see my bra so you can have something to think about while ramming your wife” then he went ape and told me to go to the headmaster, which was hardcore.

When I got down there Fat Turd the Third was all like “This is very serious” blah blah blah, so I asked if Maria stroked him off would that chill him the fuck out, but he just got madder and suspended me on the spot, which was totally hardcore. 

Adrian Chiles World Cup 2014 Quotes - Part Two

Part Two of things Adrian Chiles has said during ITV's World Cup 2014 coverage. Part One here.

Part Two | 21 June - 13 July

1. "Martin [O'Neill], I can imagine you in the wall with your glasses on, flinching" - O'Neill: "I didn't actually wear glasses whilst I was playing..." | 20 June - France v Switzerland (late night bonus comment)
2. “If America do decide to invade Iran, they might want to give Messi a call – he was the only one who could break down their defence”. | 21 June – Argentina v Iran
3. “Maybe England should play more like Algeria?” | 22 June – South Korea v Algeria
4. “Chile were a little tepid in the first half and there’s nothing worse than cold chili. Maybe the manager can give them a quick blast in the microwave during the break?” | 23 June – Netherlands v Chile
5. “No excusing [Alex] Song there, but I can’t help think that Mario Mandzukic makes a song and dance over that [elbow]” | 23 June – Cameroon v Brazil
6. “What’s [Benoit] Assou-Ekotto playing at? What do you make of that Patrick [Vieira]? You don’t see the French team fighting with each other?” – Vieira: “Well…” | 23 June – Cameroon v Brazil
7. “I can’t help think if that England just played better then they’d be through” | 24 June – England v Costa Rica
8. “[Luis] Suarez definitely bites him there. Maybe he was peckish and fancied a little Italian, or in [Giorgio] Chiellini case, a large Italian”. | 24 June – Italy v Uruguay
9. “[Louis] van Gaal hasn’t even officially started as Manchester United’s manger and he’s already getting ‘Fergie time’”. | 29 June – Netherlands v Mexico
10. “Fabio [Cannavaro], why did Costa Rica get to the quarter final but England couldn’t? There even good at penalties!” – Fabio: “There are many reasons…” | 29 June – Costa Rica v Greece
11. “Trust the Germans to shatter the dreams of an entire nation” | 30 June – Germany v Algeria
12. “Why doesn’t David Luiz just shoot from 30 yards every game?” | 4 July – Brazil v Colombia
13. “Was it just the case of Germany being that good, or were Brazil just rubbish?” | 9 July - Netherlands v Argentina (Brazil v Germany highlights)
14. “Fabio, has David Luiz just forgotten how to defend?” | 12 July - Brazil v Netherlands
15. “Maybe England should play more like Germany?” | 13 July – Germany v Argentina